Not Just Any Man--The Man!

Today,

I hypothesize,

~

        As per usual I just watched a movie. This time it was the Nanny Diaries. A very good movie...light-hearted and a tear-jerker, a different moments of course. But those aren't the moments that stuck with me when the credits started rolling. What stuck was...a man. Or more of the idea of a man.Or more of the idea of a man. The man. The one I'm going to marry. The one that I'll spend the rest of my days growing old with and grey with and wrinkly with and pudgy with. Yet he'll keep on loving me.
        There's always going to be a part of me that yearns for that special someone to come and love me 'til death. Right now I want a man that will love me. Respect me. Cherish me. Pursue me, even when I don't want to be pursued...yet still respect my space. Dance with me. Sing with me. Embarass me (good-naturedly). Communicate with me, without words. Love me, Love me, Love me. With a love that is neither selfish or unkind or disrespectful. That is not childish, not surface, not rude. But is kind, compassionate, attentive, lovely, romantic, respectful, Godly, and so many more adjectives I can't even describe. I want a man that is okay with silence, but is okay with my obnoxiously loud voice. I want a man that can make me smile just by looking at me. And not a polite plastic smile but a corners curling, teeth showing, eyes crinkling, face glowing sort of smile.
        So...where am I going with this?
        Well....
        I haven't met that person yet. And for a long time that seemed not okay. But when I consider it..I am only seventeen, for goodness sake! I have a world of possibilities out there!!! Tons of things I can do, I can try, I can....oh, I don't know...I just know that life is really only just beginning.
        Yes...I must remember that...life is only...just beginning.
        So.
        I hypothesize that life will get messy, joyful, heartbreaking, musical, dance-y, loveable, and down-right painful before I'm ready to meet the man that I will, someday, call my husband.
~
"Oh, let me warn you, sister in Jerusalem,
by the gazelles, yes, by all the wild deer:
Don't excite love, don't stir it up,
until the time is ripe--and you're ready." (Song of Songs)
~
        Ok.
        I will live and let be.
        Love will find me, I won't find love.
        Ok.

Breathing out the Gusto

Today,

We go head to head with LIFE,
~

        So as usual I was watching a movie, this time it was Larry Crowne, which isn't the most 'specta-culer' movie of all time, but it was good. Anyways, I was watching this movie and suddenly it occurred to me; I have to start moving and breathing and walking and talking and...I don't know, preparing, so then I can live. Basically, this thought popped into my mind; "I need to prepare to live!" I will not be living at my parents my whole life, I know I won't. So, I need to start getting ready now. I can't just laze around and sluff off my homework, and be mean to people and hurt the people I love.  Then it occurred to me...if I'm preparing to live....then what am I doing now? Am I in limbo...waiting for the first independent step into an apartment I call my own or to another city where I'm living and breathing and moving and talking and walking?
        No.
        Right now. Right here. I am living and breathing and moving and talking and walking and hurting and wanting and lazing and leaving and heaving and a lot of other 'ings' that would take too long to write. It's a baffling concept...that I've always struggled with...the concept of being alive...of being a character in a story. One time when I was in elementary school I was walking down the hall (it was the ramped hallway, I remember) and suddenly it hit me like a like a little double-digit old epiphany: I could have been a fox.
         Okay, so that sounds weird, but it is valid. Have you not ever slumped on your bed, or fell down the stairs or gazed up at the stars and thought, "what if I had been born a fox...a bee...a bear...a shark?" It is so amazing that we get to be human. We have brain power and we all have the ability to use it. Sometimes some of us don't. That's just a fact. I sometimes don't, because, supposedly, 'it's easier'!!
         So I say live life with GUSTO.  If you don't know what that word mean, GUSTO means to do things with hearty or keen enjoyment. So to do things with zeal...zest...brio...verve...with passion. Live a life full of passion. We've all met those types of people who seem to literally bubble over with vivacity and excitement. They genuinely delight in life. They love recklessly, and exude real kindness, and give unbelievable grace. I know one of those people...her name is Tessa. I smile every time I see her. Not only is she beautiful and musical, she is kind, caring, funny, encouraging, and understanding.
         I know that sometimes it's a little hard to bring up the gusto...to muster up the energy to greet life with a good slap and a cheeky grin. But we've got to do it, or how else will we succeed in this world of slap downs and frowns and sad faces. Yet, mustering isn't something you do on your own...you need the grace-filled King of GUSTO himself to prop you up and say "take up your mat and walk". I...don't always think He's there with me...and to be honest I've got some pretty big doubts...but I KNOW that God has never left me...when I say, 'where are you God?' He answers 'I'm right here, where are you?'
         I will run, run with GUSTO, run with JOY, run because I'm running to God. I've still got a long stretch ahead but I hold onto the one Jesus-spoken-whisper, "Come to me."
         Grab a hold of God, of Jesus, of gusto.

Divergent Inspired #2

Today,

I am wrestling and surrendering,
~

        Last night, I saw Divergent for the second time (yeah, I did)!!! But instead of invigorating and rejuvunating my "film" soul, the way it did the first time, it left me dry and...restless. An ounce of the magic had left the screen; my eye was more hawk-like than sparrow-like. This time it was more of a dissection than a relaxing evening out.
        It left me empty and a bit dissatisfied. I mean I see this young actress, who can't be but a couple years older than me, starring in numerous roles on the 'silver screen' at her young age. Then I think, "What's the point? Why bother?" Why bother plunging into the acting world when there's always going to be someone who's better, younger, better looking, and more experienced than you. Plus, I'm an obscure Canadian from a small rural-ish town who's not even sure that she likes cities...so I might as well give up now!
        Then, it occurs to me that, I should not pursue an acting 'career' just so that I'll become famous and be plastered across the bill boards. It should be to have fun, grow and present stories of a pure and moral kind.
        I am inadequate.
        I am destructable.
        I am prone to failure.
        I am done with floating life.
        I am done with living purposelessly. I am done with a directionless life.
I surrender.
I surrender.
Call me to what you want.

Divergent Inspired

Today,

I am daring to be DAUNTLESS,
~

       On Thursday the twenty-seventh I experienced the invigorating, encouraging, and amazing effects of going to the theatre...and seeing a film worth seeing. That film was Divergent. I stand for cross-examination (shout out to Mrs. Lailey and our Persepolis debates)....the point of this post is not to invoke the rage of film critics (I don't think very many people read this anyway), but to reflect and ponder on the emotions and impressions that this movie made on me.

        To start off with, the movie was amazing. Period.
        Secondly, I don't normally like Shailene Woodley as an actress but she was incredible in this one. The one scene where her....well (no spoilers)... someone dies, it was an incrediblely emotional and brilliant scene. Even now, so many different scenes are flashing behind my eyes. There are numerous things that I could talk about. I could compare it to the Hunger games...I am not going to. I could talk about the love story between Four and Tris...I'm not going to. There are many different things that I want to talk about, which brings me to my third point.

        There were no sex scenes at all in the movie. Ok, so there was the one in Beatrice's hallucination, but it was one of her fears. That is, almost, a bold move; where in movies to we see that that is someone's fears? SO AWESOME!!!
         The last thing I want to talk about is Dauntless, the faction. They are brave, a bit reckless, fearless, and strong. I was inspired to aspire and work towards being strong in every area of my life. Strong in Mind. Strong in Body. Strong in Spirit. I want to be fearless in being who I am. I want to be strong physically. I want to be capable. I want to be healthy and alive. Running through the dark, with my hair flowing behind me fast enough to catch that train. Determined enough to fight for what I believe in, to fight for what I want, fight for the dignity of the human beings around me. I want to be selfless, peaceful, brave, honest and intelligent!!!
        That is what I aspire for...to be strong in body, strong in spirit (intertwined with you God!!), and strong in mind!
       That's what I will be.
       Be that with me.
       Please.

     
     

The Dress that's not a Dress

Today,

Let's talk Grad "Dress",
~

       This is a short post...but on a whim I bought my grad outfit. Without really looking around much....let's hope it works out...I like it!

Dresses and Friends; a fun mix

Today,

On the topic of dresses and friends,
~
         
        This was a week for valleys, and hills. There were tough spots, and good times (BONANZA!!!). Of the many highlights....two things stand out like a sore thumb. My prom dress shopping trip and my times spent with good friends.
        On Tuesday the 18th, my friend Josefa came over for a sleepover. We chatted up a storm, laughed, prayed, and just had a really great time. Then in the morning we got all cleaned up to go to Burlington to catch the 10.10 train to Toronto! This was my first time on the go-train and I loved it!!! At first I was a little hesitant...I kept thinking, "they kinda remind me of roller-coasters" (tidbit: I don't go on roller-coasters because they make me sick). But once we got talking and laughing and making funny faces we passed the time quite easily.
        Once we got to Union Station we had to find the subway...we eventually did....subways are a bit scary. Well...once you're inside them it's okay...but when you are waiting on the platform...I find it quite intense...what if someone just suddenly decided, "Watch this. I'll push this girl and it'll be so funny." NO! It wouldn't be funny; I have horrible balance...[splat]! Well, we eventually made it to my sister's place and from there we made it to the long line of dress shops, burger joints, and cool restaurants.
        Thus began the treacherous journey to find my prom dress!!! I tried on dress after dress. A pink one, a purple one, a frilly one, a soft one, a strapless one. Some were too small, others to big, still others just...not the right one. Then we came upon a store called Cabaret, a vintage store that sold amazing dresses from the fifties, the sixties and gorgeous beaded 1920s flapper dresses!!! I thought that I had found my prom dress. A tulle-y sixties dress that fit snug and felt good. In the end I didn't get it because...well mainly because at the time I was enamored with it...but my mom, not so much...she said it was too costume-y...and now that I look back at the pictures, I have to agree. Thank-you Mom!!!
         Our final stop was at Bicyclette Girl, my sister's internship. By now, I had no idea what I wanted, so I stepped into the curtained off dressing room and tried on dress after dress as they were filtered in by my mom and my sister.
         Finally....we found it...I wasn't very in love with it at first but it grew on me...Josefa, Mom and Ab said that it looked really good. So I took their word for it!!! So with that we left with a bag in hand and I rode the street car for the first time. It astonished me that people stood that close and not once talked at all!!!! I of course, holding onto the bar and hovering over my sister's seat, was yakking away to my sister, trying not to fall over, and simultaneously whacking the girl behind me with my purse and making a fool of myself.
        We then took the subway to the go-train, which is a double-decker train. We had sat on the bottom before so we decided to go on the top this time...exciting!!! We found these three seats and sat down. We then proceeded to start yakking away about prom dresses, and I don't really have the quietest voice in the world, so it was pretty loud. Well, then Jo taps me on the shoulder and points to the sign, 'QUIET ZONE'!!! We then, of course, couldn't stop giggling...tired as we were..*cough*cough*!!! To make matters worse my mom kept mouthing 'FIRE', which then brought on another round of giggles. But eventually we calmed down and tried to sleep a little.
Thus concluded my prom dress shop with my sister and my mom and my friend, Jo. One down. One to go.







P.S. I got my grad 'dress'...want to see?
* Stay tuned!

The Name Game

Today, 

Let's Talk Names...
~

       Today, I want to take some time to explore names. I for one am a devout lover of names. As a writer, I think that they are so key to a character's...character; who they are is rooted in their name. It's like when you try to imagine yourself with some other name than the one you've got, and it just sounds weird!! Almost as if names are connected to personality. My parents were going to name me...drum roll please...Margaret. Yep. So...not that much different than my name. Yet, my name, Meaghan, can be shortened to Meg, or Meggie. Now, think of Margaret...Mag, or Maggie. It's not that much different , they both just have a different sort of...tanginess to them.
        Moving on.
        For as long as we can recollect, people have had names. Bizarre names, funny names, elegant names, changed names, unique names. There is not one person (ok, maybe there is...but just roll with me, please) on this earth who doesn't have a name. The teaching pastor at my church said once, that you give your kids names just so then they will know who's calling them. That's really all that they are. Or is that all, or just a glimpse into the intricacy of a name?
        During slavery, slave owners would strip 'their' slaves of their own names and assign them biblical or classical names, including short nicknames. This shows that names are defining of who we are. Later on, when slavery was abolished the freed-slaves changed their names to more unique and individual names, adapting their nicknames and such by adding prefixes and suffixes in order to individualize their names and ultimately establish their own identities.
        Other cultures assign names: using birth order, or references to nature, a horoscope or according to their religion.
        Well, I for one chose names (for characters in novels...I am not having children...) purely for their sound and look. For instance I love the name Juniper. Which according to behindthename.com comes from the English word for the type of tree, derived ultimately from Latin juniperus. Isn't that lovely! Another website says that it is taken from the name of a small evergreen shrub bearing berries used in flavouring gin. Well, at least you could be justified in calling her Ginny as a nickname!!! MIND BOMB: the Italian version of Juniper is Ginevra!!!! Not so out of the woods as it would seem.
        I have this baby name book called The Baby Name Wizard., it's really cool. It gives the name, pairs it up with suitable sister and brother names, and explains the "history" of the name.
        I'll give you an example;
-Any Anne of Green Gables fans out there?-
        Marilla (mah-RIL-e)
        Popularity: Rare
        Style: Lacy and Lissome, Ladies and Gentleman,
        Nicknames: Rilla
        Variants: Amarilla, Marillis,
        Sisters: Diantha, Amalia, Marietta, Jessamyn, Adelina,
        Brothers: Cyrus, Mahlon, Ellis, Evert, Levi,
        *Back in the 19th century you were more likely to meet a Marilla than a Marissa. That fact will sound natural to fans of Anne of the Green Gables, who associate the name with beloved Marilla Cuthbert. Marilla sounds perfectly contemporary today, with a lively sweetness. It does rhyme with gorilla, though.
        So there you have it. I have to admit...I starred that one in my book. It sounds so sweet and soft. But it might be just because of Marilla Cuthbert...and it does rhyme with gorilla....kids can be so mean...
        That's all for today...if there's anyone listening...feel free to let me know what names are your favourite, and if you want me to look them up in my book...I will (this is fun)!!!!
See you sometime soon!!!
Keep collecting the little bits of lavender. (I see that smile!!!)