Divergent Inspired #2

Today,

I am wrestling and surrendering,
~

        Last night, I saw Divergent for the second time (yeah, I did)!!! But instead of invigorating and rejuvunating my "film" soul, the way it did the first time, it left me dry and...restless. An ounce of the magic had left the screen; my eye was more hawk-like than sparrow-like. This time it was more of a dissection than a relaxing evening out.
        It left me empty and a bit dissatisfied. I mean I see this young actress, who can't be but a couple years older than me, starring in numerous roles on the 'silver screen' at her young age. Then I think, "What's the point? Why bother?" Why bother plunging into the acting world when there's always going to be someone who's better, younger, better looking, and more experienced than you. Plus, I'm an obscure Canadian from a small rural-ish town who's not even sure that she likes cities...so I might as well give up now!
        Then, it occurs to me that, I should not pursue an acting 'career' just so that I'll become famous and be plastered across the bill boards. It should be to have fun, grow and present stories of a pure and moral kind.
        I am inadequate.
        I am destructable.
        I am prone to failure.
        I am done with floating life.
        I am done with living purposelessly. I am done with a directionless life.
I surrender.
I surrender.
Call me to what you want.